Dumpling Sister's Thoughts
11.15.2006 Age (Chinese Version)
Yesterday I really started to feel old. Last night I went to play tennis with my brother, or my version of so called tennis where the form didn't matter and the ball just needed to be hit back and there were tennis balls present. I noticed by in between serves and strikes I started to become slower and realized that I got lazy. There were many times I didn't want to go chasing after the ball, but I would make my brother. I was clear that my steps were slower and my strength was weaker. My reflex was still slow like the usual, well, signs of aging.
Most of times I would say, yeah, I was aging as well, but then, really, when I got impacted with that realization it still came as a surprise. Many times I would wonder, was I going down hills? If this was the current condition, then how about later on? Would things get worse? Can I accept it or not? I do understand this is not a problem I can decide, but there were many things that I yet to specify, but, I could only be speechless.
I grew w/o knowing the change I underwent, the aging part was also my unaware youthful years. The reflection in the mirror looked pretty strange to me. I have heard people say that passing thirty one becomes responsible for ones looks. Then what was mine?
Was I going good enough?
Who should I ask and who would answer me?
In this life time, what have I done, what have I learned, or what have I gained? Maybe I have learned to be humble, and maybe I have learned to be caring, but what have I accomplished? I was not sure.
If is the feeling of sadness as in the speechlessness to the self on a quiet night, clearly.
The toys during the childhood time were always colorful and attractive. Yet now I looked at toys I would find them laughable, and I couldn't I understand the toy sentiment I had when I was younger. I still remembered how exciting I was to receive a piece of toy and how amazed I was with its striking colors.
But when the generation of children grew up to be adults, where did the child in them go?
I ran across some pictures that a friend posted and they surprised me. I was thinking who were the people in the pictures? Then I realized, oh, that was the older sister of my friend's. Then I realized, oh, I was too getting older. I don't see myself in the mirror didn't mean I was not aging. Just that I wasn't being aware of it happening on myself, but I would be noticing it on other people..
True, this problem can easily be avoided with less looking into the mirrors.