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Dumpling Sister's Thoughts

3.07.2007        (Chinese Version)

A few days ago I tried out my friend’s PSP game that tests one’s cognitive age. Before I began I told them that I have once tried a test for a mental age and got a score of forty seven, so I thought the result of this test would be something similar. So I stared doing simple math, one and six resulted in seven is because of addition, nine and two equated to seven was because of subtraction. The left side was a circle and the right was a square, slowly I finished the test and expectedly I got 47 as a result. I guessed this would be called the feeling of anticipation yet afraid of being hurt, like a poppy finally made its way up to the ground yet got kicked again back to the water. It only got wetter and messier.

Yes, expectedly, and more hurtful.

The signs of aging has been a persistent event for me. I have tried to remember not to go through the security again when I was at the San Francisco yet some how I ended up having to go through the security again. I was terribly upset with myself and asking myself how could I be so careless. A friend of mine had told me not to follow the “International terminal sign” and just go straight to taking the shuttle. All I remembered was the part of taking the shuttle.

I stopped and paused, thinking, what was happening to me? What was going wrong?

I could spot someone who I haven’t seen in a month and a half that they had something to their bear, and it was right that this person in addition to losing ten pounds of weight had also changed his way of shaving just recently. Even he himself was surprised that someone would notice that.

I was getting more upset. I was sitting in the waiting area by the gate aimlessly starting through the window. There were people close to my mental age who started to take stuff out to eat. I had no appetite. Normally after seven hours of no food I would be starving and looking and imaging food in my head. It was apparent that this event has stroke me hard.

Look, the UA plane outside wouldn’t be criticizing itself for being old and it was losing its cognitive abilities, or even that mountain that was straight of me.

Well, it looked like I started my illusion and was not making sense, well again, wasn’t that also the signs of aging? I took a very deep breath.

I tried to think, well, it didn’t matter about one’s cognitive ability or mental age as long as this person has tried to make use of it, otherwise a smart person would be just useless as someone who didn’t do anything. I tried to think of those encouraging words that we hear all the time, short yet powerful to the point.
But, really, when you discovered you becoming a “less you” state, meaning that you were what you used to be, how would you confront that fact and yourself?

The gentleman who sat next to me who already left and the middle age lady had finished her meal, yet I hadn’t found my solution. This reminded me of the US government and how it operated through years. The problems that the current president couldn’t solve would be passed down to the person of the next term, the next term to the next term. Naturally I know some people would say to leave it to time. Time would be the best remedy to help for things like these. People grow in time and they will find the answers that they were seeking, and when one was to hold this thought, the current problem would be vanished as it was put on hold. Therefore, things seemed as fine as they were before, so naively and so wonderful.

But when the problems resurfaced they may have a stronger impact.

This has happened through out the centuries, I could even say that it was as insignificant in size as sesame seeds. I understood that but understanding it did not meaning full acceptance, right?

I remembered the Buddhist phrase saying that wisdom only comes in the midst of confusion and troubles. I thought this was a nice right-on phrase but where was my wisdom? Today the very reason why I was upset was because I had no wisdom.
I flipped the thought and remembered someone has said that the meaning of life was at its process. Trying to accomplish what one should do in a day, while things around the rest of the world go on, would be a blessing itself and that would be enough.
A weak linkage, do you see it?

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