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Dumpling Sister's Thoughts
6.10.2007 After (Chinese Version)
The footprint left is still fresh and leads the way to which direction to take. I can conclude that they haven’t gone far, and I continue to closely follow them as I also sense that there are still people tracing my path. It is spring time and the grass is green, but I am under no mood to enjoy the nature; I can only keep tracing after them.
As I continue to walk, I finally come to this small
restaurant and order some small dish. I count my silver
coins and notice I still have enough. I order a bowl of
noodle and some tea water. The sun hasn’t risen to its
highest, the drew is just being evaporated, while I wait for
the noodle I inquire the cashier if the people I am after
have been seen by him. He said he has seen them since they
have just passed by about half incense’s worth of time.
(Note: This was how Ancient Chinese tell them, by how many
incense sticks are burned.) I ponder if I should go after
them, but my better judgment convinces me otherwise. Who
knows when is my next stop, so I better stuff myself up
first. So I hurry and finish the food and continue the
chase. I know I have to chase after them, that this is my
calling, however, who are they?
I shake my head and can’t recall who could be so important
and worthy of my time? It doesn’t matter, I say to myself,
with their footsteps I believe I can find the answers I
need.
The sweats run across my face but I can keep wiping it off.
My sleeves are torn but it doesn’t bother me. I see an old
woman carrying water buckets on a stick put across her
shoulder approaching towards me. She too says that there are
people in front of me and their leg strength is incredible,
and I may have some tough time keeping up with them.
It doesn’t matter. I shift and control my breathing, and
speed up my foot work. The trees along this mountain road
are scarce and can’t block that baking sun above. I start to
feel my stress. I have been after them for days and nights
now, yet I still can’t catch any glimpse of them. I have
been asking about them along the way; however, no one could
tell me who they are, and not to mention I still don’t have
an exact head count.
I don’t understand who they are and why I should be chasing
them with all my might. Is it true that once I catch up with
them, I can find out the bits and pieces of the entire
matter? I hope as I say to myself.
Is this a dream? I can’t wake up. All I know is that my
entire focus has been about trying to catching up with that
whoever, who just happens to have a quicker foot step. Yet
one after one, I keep missing this person or persons. I
don’t want to give up. I have been walking for so many days
and nights, yet I still haven’t seen anybody in my sight.
All I know is the vague description from the locals.
Damn, that kind of intel is this?
As I continue to drill on this, I notice I have gotten even
angrier. Why should I chase after these people with my
strength almost drained? Who is worth my while? And who is
this person? I feel my drenched shirt, and start to notice a
small yet firm desperate thought, a giving up thought,
within my deepest soul.
I can feel my tears.
I start to know that once this thought of giving up blooms
within me, it will eventually conquer my rationale.
Therefore, I loose my fists, because it is pointless to hold
on. I have become very predictable of this course of
happening, as if it has happen many times before.
Therefore, this being a dream or not, is not important,
because I have been once again overcome, without any winning
bids, and all this leaves me unaware and unknown.
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