Dumpling Sister's Thoughts
6.10.2007 After (Chinese Version)
The footprint left is still fresh and leads the way to which direction to take. I can conclude that they haven’t gone far, and I continue to closely follow them as I also sense that there are still people tracing my path. It is spring time and the grass is green, but I am under no mood to enjoy the nature; I can only keep tracing after them.
As I continue to walk, I finally come to this small restaurant and order some small dish. I count my silver coins and notice I still have enough. I order a bowl of noodle and some tea water. The sun hasn’t risen to its highest, the drew is just being evaporated, while I wait for the noodle I inquire the cashier if the people I am after have been seen by him. He said he has seen them since they have just passed by about half incense’s worth of time. (Note: This was how Ancient Chinese tell them, by how many incense sticks are burned.) I ponder if I should go after them, but my better judgment convinces me otherwise. Who knows when is my next stop, so I better stuff myself up first. So I hurry and finish the food and continue the chase. I know I have to chase after them, that this is my calling, however, who are they?
I shake my head and can’t recall who could be so important and worthy of my time? It doesn’t matter, I say to myself, with their footsteps I believe I can find the answers I need.
The sweats run across my face but I can keep wiping it off. My sleeves are torn but it doesn’t bother me. I see an old woman carrying water buckets on a stick put across her shoulder approaching towards me. She too says that there are people in front of me and their leg strength is incredible, and I may have some tough time keeping up with them.
It doesn’t matter. I shift and control my breathing, and speed up my foot work. The trees along this mountain road are scarce and can’t block that baking sun above. I start to feel my stress. I have been after them for days and nights now, yet I still can’t catch any glimpse of them. I have been asking about them along the way; however, no one could tell me who they are, and not to mention I still don’t have an exact head count.
I don’t understand who they are and why I should be chasing them with all my might. Is it true that once I catch up with them, I can find out the bits and pieces of the entire matter? I hope as I say to myself.
Is this a dream? I can’t wake up. All I know is that my entire focus has been about trying to catching up with that whoever, who just happens to have a quicker foot step. Yet one after one, I keep missing this person or persons. I don’t want to give up. I have been walking for so many days and nights, yet I still haven’t seen anybody in my sight. All I know is the vague description from the locals.
Damn, that kind of intel is this?
As I continue to drill on this, I notice I have gotten even angrier. Why should I chase after these people with my strength almost drained? Who is worth my while? And who is this person? I feel my drenched shirt, and start to notice a small yet firm desperate thought, a giving up thought, within my deepest soul.
I can feel my tears.
I start to know that once this thought of giving up blooms within me, it will eventually conquer my rationale. Therefore, I loose my fists, because it is pointless to hold on. I have become very predictable of this course of happening, as if it has happen many times before.
Therefore, this being a dream or not, is not important, because I have been once again overcome, without any winning bids, and all this leaves me unaware and unknown.